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| June is LGBT Pride Month. |
As a romance author, it’s no secret that I love celebrating love in all its many forms. In fact, there’s a lot of things that I’ve learned from my LGBTQA+ brothers and sisters, lessons like having the courage to be yourself and represent who you are as fully as you can.
You may find it strange, but up until my mid-thirties I never admitted that I read romance novels. My mom was an avid romance reader, so there were plenty of books available around the house, but they were always tucked into drawers, hidden in closets, or stashed in the basement. My dad constantly referred to them as trashy novels and openly mocked them, so it's no wonder I used to associate them with feelings of shame and secrecy.
I think I was about thirteen-years-old when I finally decided to read my first romance novel and I quickly learned that I loved them! However, despite the fact that I enjoyed the stories, I never read them outside the house or would admit to reading them. The covers of men and women clenching each other – his muscles bulging, her cleavage heaving – always made me feel too embarrassed to read them in public.
(Even now, the popularity of naked man chest on the front of romance covers makes me feel slightly uncomfortable. Thank goodness for e-readers where nobody can tell what you’re reading!)
That all changed when I was in my mid-thirties. Back when I was living in Seattle, I was lucky to have a large group of close friends. When I relocated to New England, I missed them all a great deal. So when one of my friends decided to move about forty-five minutes away from me while her partner at the time attended law school, I was thrilled.
My husband and I quickly made plans to go up and visit them for a long weekend. Imagine my surprise when, while she was giving me a tour of their new place, I noticed there was a HUGE stack of romance novels in her bedroom. It was so large that it nearly reached the ceiling! Not only that, but there were quite a few authors and titles that I was familiar with in the pile.
Mind you, we had been friends for about eight years at that point but I had no idea that we were both such big fans of romance. Isn’t that sad? We could have been sharing and talking about something we were both obviously invested in – if only I’d had the courage to admit to it.
That experience opened my eyes. I decided that I no longer wanted to be embarrassed or ashamed about my interests. It was time that I owned them. I truly think that if it hadn’t been for that one moment and the resulting self-realization, I never would have had the courage to become a writer or a romance author a few years later.
Now obviously, the LGBTQA+ community faces much higher stakes and consequences than I ever would as a straight cis-woman. I’m not facing a possible beating, jailtime, or death by admitting that I read romance. I’ve never been told that I’m not allowed to read the genre that I love.
After admitting that I read and write romance, the worst responses I’ve ever received was mild contempt or someone rolling their eyes at me. Please understand, I recognize that this example is a pale shadow of the challenges faced by many queer people in this country and around the world.
Yet, while watching the Pride parade in Boston over the weekend, I was inspired by everybody’s courage. I admired their fierce determination to represent themselves and be acknowledged as equals by our society. I can only imagine how much more difficult it must be to proudly show who you really are under those circumstances. The experience confirmed something for me. Despite whatever challenges you may face, fully accepting yourself is worth it.
Because you know the one thing I saw most throughout the day? Joy.
Top Row:
A Chapter On Love by Laney Webber
American Dreamer by Adriana Herrera
Idlewild by Jude Sierra
Bottom Row:
Syncopation by Anna Zabo
Rebound by L.A. Witt
In Her Court by Tamsen Parker
This is just a handful. You can find a more comprehensive list HERE.
Speaking of celebrating love, have you entered the Romance Gems June Rafflecopter contest, yet?
YOU ARE CORDIALLY INVITED
Our June Wedding promotion is open!
Watch our Wedding video, You Are Cordially Invited.
You can find it on our Movie Theater page or on YouTube.
Visit our Monthly Giveaway Page to see the gorgeous prizes and to enter our June Rafflecopter!
You wrote: Thank goodness for e-readers where nobody can tell what you’re reading!
ReplyDeleteI think that is WHY ebooks became so popular.
I suspect you're right, Jan!
DeleteI started reading romance at 12 because my mother was also a huge fan. But her books sat right next to her chair, huge piles on both sides, the ones she'd read, and the ones to be read. I started picking through her done pile and never looked back.
ReplyDeleteTwo other m/m authors who are fabulous: MA Grant has a fabulous new fantasy series - The Darkest Court and Layla Reyne has a great suspense series - Agents Irish and Whiskey. I would highly recommend both of these authors.
Thank you for the recommendations, Kari!
DeleteWe should never be ashamed of what we read or who we love.
ReplyDeleteI agree, Kathleen. It's funny how some of those ingrained childhood impressions can be so difficult to get past, even when you've grown older and wiser in other areas of your life. If you were to ask me, I'd tell you that I'm a strong woman who is not afraid to express my opinion on most things. However, this one little insecurity was an obstinate burr that took a while to shake off.
DeleteWhat a great post, hits home for me, too!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Elsa! I'm glad it resonated.
DeleteI finally got to the point in life that I don't really care much about what people think. Reaching that point was not easy, though. I wasted a lot of time worrying about what someone else thought. I also discovered that none of us are perfect. Amazing how we let such small things shape our lives. What a great post!
ReplyDeleteKaren, this incident happened in my mid-thirties and was a catalyst for shifting my priorities. I wouldn't say I'm completely cured of worrying about what people think, but I've made great progress!
DeleteA lovely post Satin. Women, I think, are more prone to worrying about how they’re perceived. I turned 40 and gave it up! I read what I like, think people should love whomever they love. It’s the love that counts, not the gender of the people involved.
ReplyDeleteI agree, it's the love that counts!
DeleteForty was a real turning point for me, as well. Honestly? I have to say getting older as a woman has been awesome! It feels very liberating.
Great post! I must admit, I wouldn't read a romance novel in public if it's a shirtless guy or with other suggestive poses. Yes, thank goodness for the e-reader! Also, I'm glad to hear more about diversity/open-ness.
ReplyDeleteWonderful to hear, Emmaline! I've been thinking a lot about diversity in romance lately due to some major conversations Romancelandia had surrounding this year's RITA awards. I haven't written about my thoughts - yet - but there are quite a few post ideas brewing.
DeleteNice post, and I enjoyed reading how you changed your opinion but not your love of romance. Love takes many forms in our wide world. Yes, celebrate and be proud.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Nora. I love when a life experience has the power to change my opinion. It's a nice reminder that we're all still learning.
DeleteExcellent post!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Liz!
DeleteGreat post, Satin. What women write and read has always been denigrated more than respected—and not just romance. Sisters in Crime was started years ago just to spotlight the fact that reviewers mostly ignored women authors. Nominations for mystery, SF, fantasy awards rarely went to women. If a woman was nominated, her chance of winning was astronomical. Yet, women composed the largest segment of buyers. Gothic mysteries a la Mary Stewart and Jane Austen's novels gave women a small serving of romance.
ReplyDeleteThen Avon published the first historical romance by Kathleen Woodiwiss, and it sold millions! Publishers were stunned. They realized that the market for romance hadn't been tapped so they proceeded to tap it, and the rest of the publishing/reviewing/award-giving world proceeded to ridicule not only romance but also those who read romance. Very few put a name to that practice, but I will. It was misogyny. (I wrote a post about misogyny on my blog Saturday.)
So the dissed women writers didn't sit around bemoaning their fate, they decided if the boys didn't want them playing in their sandbox that they'd create their own. That sandbox is the Romance Writers of America. Whoop!
Oh, and the naked man chest? I've lived in hot climates most of my life. I've seen plenty of naked male chests at the beaches and also men who work in construction often taken their shirts off so seeing a man's chest on a book cover is no big deal to me. *g*