Thursday, June 27, 2019

Why I like fictional Weddings more than real ones...most of the time by Peggy Jaeger

My wedding is not one I look back on with undiluted pleasure.

I got married on December 26th and the actual date was hailed as the coldest 12/26 in 75 years.

The day started with a fight between my mother and me about my choice of eye shadow. Stupid, right?
It went downhill after that.

I'd decided to walk myself down the aisle instead of choosing between my father and stepfather. Neither would capitulate to the other and they didn't want to "share" me. My decision almost left me parentless at the wedding.

The Priest had a serious and obvious case of conjunctivitis and no one wanted to receive communion from him, esp. when we all saw him rubbing his eyes throughout the ceremony.
Would you?
The pinkeye must have challenged his memory because he forgot about the readings I'd chosen and the people I'd chosen to do them, and read his own choices, leaving my friends in the ecclesiastic dust.

The Parish didn't allow rice to be thrown for good luck, but did allow birdseed, so I'd made hundreds of little linen packets filled with seeds that guests could open and then toss for good luck, with the added gift that the birds would get fed. Why the Church thought there would be any birds present on my wedding day, the coldest day in 75 years, is a mystery, but... Some guests ( not my side of the wedding) thought it was hysterical to toss the whole packets at us, ending with me being bruised and battered before we got to the reception.
Not funny at all.

On to the reception.
Remember that fight about the eyeshadow? It escalated when my mother found out she was sitting on the left side of the room. She wanted to be on the right. Why? Who the heck knows. She was in the throws of menopause and the hormones were making her nuts.

My stepfather fought with the DJ because he said the music was too loud. It wasn't.
My father fought with the DJ because he didn't like the music. Too bad.
My husband of an hour fought with the photographer ( who really was a pain in the butt) because he kept interrupting us whenever we tried to visit out guests.
My grandmother fought with the wait staff. She thought the food was over cooked and under-salted. It wasn't. But she'd been nipping from everyone's champagne glasses at her table, so....
One of my step-uncles, the one that family legend had it was an enforcer for the local mob boss, had a gun tucked into his waistband and made sure the wait staff saw it and knew it was loaded. He also moved his chair to a space where he could sit with his back to a wall and case the entrance way to the ballroom.
Use your imagination on why he did that.

I'd purchased little 4 packs of Godiva chocolates for favors for everyone and had placed a box each at  every place setting. My step cousins very loudly  complained the candy tasted "cheap." This started an argument between my menopausal mother and her equally hormone-raging sisters-in-law and their children about manners.
It didn't end well.


By the time we got to the cake - chocolate buttercream frosted with chocolate cake and Swiss mousse for filling, tensions were so high in the ballroom, I seriously wondered if an Animal House-like food fight was due to erupt.

All in all, I couldn't wait to leave the reception and wished hubby and I had flown to Vegas for the weekend and gotten married by an Elvis-clone like I'd wanted.
Oh well.

30+ years later and we are still - miraculously - together.

I love fictional weddings so much better.

When I write a fictional wedding I am in control of everything that happens. There are no surprises, no mistakes, no petty and pointless bickering.
Not unless I want there to be.

If you've ever read any of my San Valentino books, you'll recognize a few of the characters from my actual relatives above. Hey, write what you know, right?

My latest book series, A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN, deals with weddings, family, forgiveness, and those relationships that make our lives the interesting ones they are.



Until next month, dear readers ~ Peg



32 comments:

  1. ROFL Oh, man, that entire scene should be in a movie. I'm sorry you had a miserable wedding (except for marrying the love of your life, of course) but it made it memorable, right? I have only a few memories of our special day, except the rain - torrents and floods of rain. And the music at the service, played by my childhood piano teacher and my cousin, who is now a clarinetist in a large city orchestra.

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    1. there are a few happy memories of that day...well, okay, 1! But still...

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  2. Oh my. Makes me want to go back in time an knock some heads on your behalf. I'm so happy for you and your husband. Cheers to 30+ more.

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  3. Oh, this is hilarious! I'm glad for your happy ending. I'm sure it wasn't all that funny the day those things happened, but the story has definitely aged well. Thanks for sharing it.

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    1. You know, it's something we can tell our grandkids, for sure!

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  4. I'm sorry but that sounds hilarious! Now. Back then, definitely not. But think of it as an omen--if you could get through that, you could get through anything. And 30 years later, you have. I always heard that rice makes birds blow up when they eat it, so the birdseed was a better choice anyway. :)

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    1. I agree abt the birdseed.But ihave to tell you, on that cold day ...I didn't see one damn bird.

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  5. Peggy, this would make a great movie. And you could pick out who plays you. Loves of tension and conflict but a happy ending.

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  6. Oh, my! I will never again complain about the few, very tiny things that happened at my wedding. Never! But I'm glad you write perfect weddings because I have to admit I'm not a fan of (fictional) weddings that end up like a Three Stooges episode. Weddings should be perfect! And you are a master at writing them!

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    1. Bless you, friend. I think I try to right the wrongs of my wedding in every story. Well, except for the HEA cuz I got that!!!

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  7. Reading all of that and then you end it with "I love fictional weddings so much better." LOL!
    I got irritated and upset on your behalf and I wasn't even present then!

    This reminds me of when I was a bridesmaid for one of my childhood friends:
    For the dinner reception, she reserved a large room fit for 200+ guests at a Chinese restaurant. An extra table was set up for some of the staff that participated in the wedding. Well, one of her pompous uncles (not sure which side) decided to ignore the guest seating and took over the table.

    My friend, the bride, was understandably upset. The staff ended up having to eat at another windowless room the size of a postage stamp. Plus, in another room, there was a lovely display of candy where people could also take pictures with props. Well, it turns out to be as one would expect when there's no supervision: a selfish bunch took most of the candy just because it was "free".

    All of this makes me want to invite only a few closest to me for my own dream wedding and to hades with the rest! They probably don't even care (about my special day) and just want an excuse to dress up, eat free food, and drink all the while making an absolute fool of themselves.

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    1. It's your day - I say invite who you want. Or, go to Vegas like to wanted to do!!! Hee hee

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  8. OMG...Peggy! I don't blame you - not one bit - but this is hilarious all these years later! Here's to 30+ years of marriage for one of my FAVORITE couples! And here's to your magic words, as I love your books, esp. those with crazy family dynamics. Maybe it was all meant to be, sweetness. But the pistol...hahaha You need a movie!

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    1. Yeah, that Uncle was a wise guy wannabe but he wanted to everyone to think he was a capo. What a moron!!!

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  9. I think this why I'm 'eternally engaged'. Weddings are stressful enouh without the antics that you make sound funny 30 years later. Here's to 30 more!

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  10. Oh my gosh, Peggy! What a comedy of errors. I'm so happy the marriage has been better than the wedding. (Which is all that counts, anyway.)

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  11. I can see where you got your wicked sense of humor--a much-needed survival skill! Thanks for sharing this hilarious story.

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  12. Sadira - what doesn't make you laugh will kill you for sure!!!

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  13. Wow, and I thought my wedding was unique in that fashion. LOL anyway congrats on your new release! Enjoyed your post.

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  14. Tena - every wedding is unique. Some, more than others. Heehee

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  15. I can't wait to dig into read this one. Soon...ahh, must do revisions and such first! And I loved your story here (but wow, yes, Vegas with Elvis -- better idea!). I also take from real-life, so watch out, friends...

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    1. Hahaha. Jean, Vegas and elvis would have been fab!

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  16. People throwing packages of birdseed at the bride and the groom??? What's wrong with people?????????

    Ah yes, what mattered was that your marriage lasted! Congrats for surviving for so long!

    I've heard about weddings on a cruise (a small one). You get the cake and the champagne, and you can marry on the beach! And it costs less than US$ 10,000 - so definitely worth it.

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  17. Iris - in all fairness, the birdseed throwers were Hubby's childhood friends and they thought they were being funny. They didn't realize how painful those damn packets were, tho! The cruise weddings sounds fab!!!

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  18. Love yours sense of humour, Peggy! Thanks for sharing.

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    1. like they say, write what you know - and this is my life! heehee

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  19. Peggy, great post. Our wedding day featured the biggest dust storm in year! Tumbleweeds as large as our car blew across the road! In fact, that was just a prelude to a comical series of events over the next few days! But, we survived everything. It's not the wedding that's so important. It's the marriage!

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  20. Joan Exactly!!!iif I could stay thru the reception, I knew I could stay thru the marriage!!!

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