Monday, December 9, 2019

MEMORIES OF DISASTERS PAST by Hannah Rowan #RomanceGems

Some people love to cook.  Me, if I ever win the lottery the first thing I plan to do is hire a personal chef and never cook again.

I was so thankful that all I had to make for Thanksgiving this year was dessert for the kids.  Cookies shaped like turkeys.  Candied walnuts.  Easy-peasy.

Looking back on this year’s Thanksgiving dinner brings to mind some less successful culinary endeavors.  For instance, the first time I cooked for my future in-laws.  On the weekend after Thanksgiving I decided to invite my then-fiancĂ©’s parents to my apartment for a turkey dinner.  I wish I had known there was a little paper bag full of giblets in the neck cavity.  But really, the paper couldn’t have hurt anyone, could it have?  After all, it was inserted in something people were going to eat.  

No, the real problem with that turkey was the stuffing.  Since I generally don’t learn how to cook things I don’t like, I had never learned how to cook stuffing.  How hard could it be?  I found a recipe that required chopping onions and celery and mixing it with breadcrumbs and some other things I’d rather not remember.  I was a busy gal.  I didn’t have time for all that chopping. I tossed all the ingredients into my blender and came out with a liquid mixture.  Having had no experience with stuffing, I concluded that it must gel while cooking, so I poured it into the turkey.  My theory turned out to be wrong.  My future mother-in-law was uncharacteristically diplomatic about my efforts but nobody had the nerve to taste my concoction.

At another Thanksgiving gathering my guests weren’t so fortunate.  For some unknown reason I decide to make pumpkin pie from scratch.  I’m sure it would have worked out fine if the directions had been a little more explicit.  Who knew there were different kinds of molasses?  The recipe called for molasses and I bought something called blackstrap molasses.  Don’t ever do this!  The pie was gorgeous but after serving it I was faced with a group of people grimacing and looking for a way to discreetly spit their first bite of pie into a napkin.

Unfortunately, my culinary disasters are few and far between and not enough to get me out of cooking on a regular basis.  So I have to keep hoping for that winning lottery ticket.

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  1. This sounds like episodes of I Love Lucy! You should write a cookbook. It would be fun to read.

  2. Oh, gosh! There's so much to learn, isn't there? I mean, how are we supposed to know certain things? I've only made a turkey once, and yes, it was for Thanksgiving. It all came out fine, but I shed a few tears at around 7 in the morning when I almost dropped the whole thing while trying to put it in the oven.

  3. I typically love to cook, but your story reminds me of the dinner I made when my daughter brought her new fiance for a meal. I had decided to make chicken broccoli lasagna - which I love and is excellent - but for some reason I decided to use no-bake noodles. Yeah, that didn't work out so well. They were hard and crunchy in places. Never again!

  4. I feel ya, Hannah! I almost never bake, although I used to enjoy cooking. Now, not so much. With just the two of us in the house & there being so many places that offer fresh prepared meals, I hardly ever have to cook anymore & I love it! I'd hire a personal chef AND a chauffer. ;)

  5. I can brag to having created many successful turkey dinners over the years, but this Thanksgiving was a total bust, which helped me decide I've paid my dues over the years and it's someone else's turn. My 90-year-old father was a bit miffed to hear we will be having fondue this Christmas, not turkey, but since no one else stepped up and offered to take over, this way everyone is in charge.

  6. I remember a blueberry pie I made for a family friend who was such a good cook. It looked pretty--really it did; who'd have thought leaving out the thickening would make a difference?

  7. Hahahaha...We've all been there, Hannah! I cooked a turkey with a bag in it, too! When I was a new bride, cooking for my in-laws. It's the thought that counts, right??? :D

  8. I'll confess. I too cooked a turkey with that bag of innards still in it. Yuk. Disgusting. I threw the whole thing away for fear it would give everyone food poisoning. Good thing we had lots of side dishes and desserts!


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