I'm tired of tumultuous years.
RWA has been "the home place" for me for over 20 years. Even when I no longer belonged to a chapter, I still paid my national dues. I loved so much about it. I loved RWR. I loved that so many questions were answered, that so much was done over the years for authors, that it was a sisterhood to end all sisterhoods. I didn't love it all the time, though, and I didn't love everything about it, and this past weekend I resigned. I'm glad I did. It was time. The organization and I no longer did anything for each other. I felt, I told someone, as if I was deserting a sinking ship. I think I may have been, but the truth was that it was no longer my ship and there was no room for me on board.
Friendships have changed. Some have gone away completely. I miss those friends and them being non-responsive has left a blank spot I'm not sure how to fill up. I wonder what I did or didn't do even when common sense tells me I didn't do anything wrong. It was probably just time.
In some cases, it was probably political. Not only do we have different views, we can't even argue them civilly. I can't bear that I really never knew those people; I'm certain they feel the same way about me.
But now it's the end of the day. The year. The decade. But, actually, for me, those things are incidental. What really matters--again, for me--is that my family's alive and well and hilarious and that the man I've been married to for 48 years is still the man I'm married to. Not that my brothers died, but that they lived. And that even though it is the end of all those things I listed, it's the beginning of a whole bunch of others. And tomorrow, say Scarlett and I, is another day. (She may have said it first. And better.)
Happy New Year and blessings to you all. I wish you all a cup o' kindness.
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Liz - this has been a crazy, hectic, heartbreaking year in so many ways, hasn't it? It's good to remember the good, though, because those memories sustain us in the worst of times. Here's looking to 2020 as a better year!
ReplyDeleteI hope so. And, in truth, I probably haven't had a bad year--just some really bad days (which has been going on for the last four years.) I think sometimes I just don't bounce as well as I should. Thanks, Peggy.
DeleteLiz, how sad that you lost your brother. It's hard to say anything that will help except I'm glad you have good memories of it to share. Here's to keeping your project alive that you love. sometimes only you can see the greatness of a piece until it's done. Happy 2020 to you.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Nora, and Happy New Year to you, too.
DeleteAnother great post, Liz, thank you. So much has happened this year and yet, life goes on no matter what else has occurred. There's comfort in that and in warm memories of those who've left us. We lost a dear friend in March and we miss him every day. Losing sibs is hard even if you weren't always close because when you lose a sibling, you lose a piece of your history. A person who knew you all your life... Hugs, baby and a very happy 2020 to you and yours!
ReplyDeleteHoping for it, Nan, and you, too--walking around in your one-story new beginning! :-)
DeleteHappy New Year!
ReplyDeleteDenise
Thank you, Denise! To you, too!
DeleteI'm so sorry you lost your brother. I understand your struggles. I have similar thoughts. As time goes by, it brings with it the chance to make mistakes and the chance to have success. We always amplify the mistakes, don't we? We probably shouldn't. And I bet whatever you regret is not counted by those who love you. I'm glad you have your family and wonderful husband! God bless you in the New Year.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Kara--blessings back to you and yours.
DeleteLiz, condolences on your loss. We’re at the same stage in life I think. Loss on top of loss makes it hard to bounce back as you said. I love what Kara said : whatever you regret is not counted by those who love you”. I needed to read those words too. I’m hoping 2020 brings peace to our hearts. Take care!
ReplyDeleteI'm looking and praying for that peace! Thanks, Bonnie.
DeleteI'm so sorry about your brother. My husband lost his brother this year as well.
ReplyDeleteI left RWA when we sold our house and moved to the RV to travel the USA for 3 1/2 years. Even though we've sold the RV and have a house once more, I didn't find the need to rejoin.
I remember the early days when I walked into my first chapter meeting. I felt as if I had found true sisters. I was no longer on the outside looking in. I went to conferences with stars in my eyes.
Things change. Hopefully, with RWA, this will be for the better. And here's hoping we all have a fantastic 2020!
I remember that, too, walking into a conference in Indy and realizing there were 200 people who were Just Like Me. What a day that was! Happy New Year, Karen.
DeleteLiz, this post spoke directly to my heart. I lost a brother this year--one with whom I didn't agree but who I loved. This past year has brought many upsets. I believe you have the right attitude and I'm trying to be positive. I wish all the Gems a fantastic 2020!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry, Caroline. It's just hard, isn't it? Blessings to you in the New Year!
DeleteUgh...I'm so sorry, Liz. What a powerful post to end this "tumultuous year." From beloved family members to pets; so many of our friends have lost so much. I am, however, the eternal optimist, though some days that's hard. As you said though...endings often mean new beginnings. I wish you and your family peace and joy this new year. And, to all, a blessed, wonderful 2020!
ReplyDeleteThe same to you, Kathryn, and optimism is so valuable--sometimes when it gets away from me, I remember just HOW valuable it is.
DeleteDear Liz, so sorry for your losses, all of them. Your post totally resonated on all levels. Funerals. Friends that have melted away. RWA. I made the difficult decision this past summer after over 30 years not to renew, and now I am so grateful for that decision. Once upon a time it was such a perfect fit, but no longer. My shoes from 30 years ago don't fit either. Hugs as we all sally forth!
ReplyDeleteI'm there with you on the shoes--and on RWA, too. I'm confident it will again be a powerful and well-grounded organization, but I doubt it will ever fit me. Hugs back at you--let's sally together.
DeleteMy condolences. Stay strong! I wish you peace of mind, health and a wonderful 2020!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! Happy New Year to you, too!
DeleteLiz, I'm sorry for your loss. As you know, I'm facing that situation too with both of my brothers. The RWA thing is a heart breaker too. It hasn't offered me anything in a long time, but I kept my membership and chapter memberships because of the women in those chapters. I wish I hadn't renewed for the year. I won't do that again. Wishing you New Year blessings.
ReplyDeleteThank you. My heart is with you concerning your family's health. I had renewed, too, but resigned anyway. I have nothing to bring to the table anymore.
DeleteLiz thanks for the inspirational post. I've been trying to cope with loss and trust issues with three people who let me down this year. Have a wonderful year--you deserve it!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, and I hope yours is great, too. It's so hard to cope with both loss and trust, but, as Kathleen said above, let's sally forth!
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