Whenever asked how long my husband and I have been together,
we always answer, “We’ve been married for 32 years. At least 14 of them
happily.”
We always get a laugh. But the truth of the matter is, we
haven’t had 32 years of marital bliss. And his 14 years and my 14 weren’t
necessarily the same 14 years. Would I give him up and do it over again with
someone else? Probably not.
Even though I write romance, I know that even a couple who
are deeply in love are not going to see eye to eye all the time from this day
forward. You are two separate people with two separate lives and different
opinions and beliefs.
What have I learned from 32 years of marriage? Marriage is
hard. And it takes two people who are BOTH invested in being together for their
lifetime. It can’t be one person doing all the giving and the giving in. It has
to be a team effort. One both of you need to be determined to see through.
Unfortunately, in this day and age, everything is
disposable. Marriage has fallen into that category for some. When my husband
and I got married, we wanted it to be forever. We even put the inscription ‘Forever
and Always’ on the inside of our wedding rings.
What’s my advice for a long and happy marriage? Make sure to
spend lots of time apart. Remember,
absence makes the heart grow fonder! LOL
But seriously, you don’t need to be attached at the hip to
show you love someone. Find time for yourself and to be with your friends and
do what you love, while your partner does the same. If you happen to have all
the same friends and all the same interests, that’s even better. My husband and
I don’t, but we allow each other time to do what we love. And then when we
spend time doing something we both love, it makes that time so much more
special.
~~~
In my book, Elusive Dreams, Erik and Tessa have a marriage
of convenience and they have to figure out how to make their marriage work,
without the perk of being in love. Check it out and see how they make this fake
marriage into something real and lasting.
Comment below to share your life lesson with others. And as always, don't forget to enter our rafflecopter draw to win an Amazon gift card.
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I couldn't agree more, Darling girl!! Marriage IS HARD work, for sure. One of the mottos I've live by when people ask me what the secret toa good marriage, is this: "The secret to a long marriage is a short term memory." Forget the crappy stuff and concentrate on the happy, best stuff. Once you do, more stuff becomes happy and the crappy stuff is put to the side. Loved ELUSIVE DREAMS and can't wait for book2!!!
ReplyDeleteLove that!! "Forget the crappy stuff, ..." Great advice! And book 2 is in the works!!
DeleteYes, marriage is work. And it can be well worth it. My kids are approaching that time when they are going to be finding their "forever and always" person. It's scary. I hope they find someone they're willing to work for!
ReplyDeleteYes, I always pray for my kids to find a lifelong partner. And to have the strength and focus to work hard at a marriage.
DeleteI love that you and your husband likely have different 14 yearses. It's a concept I hadn't considered. I know a couple of our 48 have been humdingers for me--now I wonder if they were for him. It is hard, but so worthwhile if you can make it work.
ReplyDeleteYes, we each see our lives and what were the good times differently. Congrats on 48 years!! Wow! When I see people post about anniversaries, I have a tendency to say "Nicely done!" instead of congrats! Because the work isn't easy!
DeleteKudos to anyone who has what it takes for the long haul. Kudos as well to those of us who knew that no amount of patience or love or hard work was going to fix something broken. Life is too short to be unhappy. Cut your losses. Read romance. HEA is possible at any age.
ReplyDeleteVery true! That's why I said it takes TWO people who want those things. And one person can only do so much.
DeleteKarl and I are the opposite. We're working on 51 years and hate being apart. We do about 99% things together, including buying groceries, cooking, cleaning, shopping... LOL I know people probably think we're crazy, but we rarely fight. We're having too much fun!
ReplyDeleteOccasionally we have disagreements, like everyone else, but we try never to go to bed mad.
Then you are in the very lucky few! Enjoy it! Life needs to be fun and it sounds like you have plenty of that!
DeleteTwo committed and emotionally healthy adults can make a long term marriage last. But if one falls away it’s next-to-impossible for one to carry on. Marriage has phases, like life and they pass...the good and the not-so-good. All of that is grist for our mills... Love Live Romance
ReplyDeleteYes, like I said, it takes TWO people who both want to work on a marriage. One person can't carry the whole burden alone. And they shouldn't have to.
ReplyDeleteYes, the ups and downs of marriage are sometimes surprising. I agree what I'd pick for my best time even in the day when we're together is probably different from my husband's. And what we want has changed over the years and not always in sync. But when times get rough, we know we'll be there is something invaluable. Hoping your characters realize that too. Wishing you a Happy day in Florida, Kari.
ReplyDeleteThanks! Being here in nicer weather where he doesn't have to cut 2 acres of grass or shovel a few feet of snow has certainly made him happier. Which makes my life a whole lot better too!
ReplyDeleteKari, I agree that it takes both people to be committed for a marriage to work (or any relationship, really)
ReplyDeleteI like your point about allowing each person to pursue what their passions and interests are. I think it speaks to a greater point which is to respect each other as individuals and support them in their endeavors. So far, this philosophy has worked for Terry and I. I look forward to the day we can say we're celebrating 32 years and more!
Thanks! You've both have the respect for each other that is a key ingredient so I'm sure you'll make it!
DeleteWise words, Kari, and a great reminder for everyone.
ReplyDeleteThanks! We all need help at times or support for what we want.
DeleteYes marriage takes work and commitment. We lost our daughter two years ago and we prayed together the night she died - that our marriage and family would come out of this hell stronger. It is a daily decision to press in.
ReplyDelete