By: Marcia King-Gamble
www.lovemarcia.com
June, and the perfect month for weddings and love. But in
this modern day and age, are some of these marriages arranged? Is it love, or
as Tina said, what does love have to do with it?
Let’s say the marriage is arranged, has this age-old
tradition undergone a change?
One article, recently written, estimates that over 50% of
marriages are arranged ones. I tend to agree. Call it what you will. People marry old family
friends, the guy or girl next door, the old school chum, and even the deceased
spouse’s bestie. People marry those they feel comfortable with. So, does love or
respect have something to do with it?
The old school way of looking at a traditional marriage is that
it’s one planned by the respective families, mostly that of the bride’s and
groom’s. To date, over 20 million of these marriages exist in the world today.
Given that the divorce rate is somewhere between 40% to 50%, these marriages
have a surprisingly low rate of divorce, and are allegedly as low as 4%. This
may be for a variety of reasons.
With lust and passion out of the equation, rash decisions aren’t often made. The blush of infatuation only lasts so long. There better be mutual admiration and respect. This can develop over time if the right foundation has been laid.
So, does this mean arranged marriages work, or does it mean
the people who agree to them are likely not to file for divorce? Let’s face it, it does require a certain personality
type to agree to this kind of union. A physical attraction plays a big part in
what we like and don’t like, and some may never have seen their partner until
they walked down that aisle.
Arranged marriages have been around for years, and while not considered popular in western culture, (although that is debatable,) they are now widely promoted on the Internet, and on TV shows. An amazing number of websites have sprung up, giving families even a wider variety of places to cast that net and find that match. There are TLC shows like Married by Mom and Dad. The difference today, however, is that this age-old practice allows one or the other party to have some say and decline the match.
Reality shows like Married at First Sight and 90
Day Fiancé are popular, and contestants, line up out the door to get on
them. In the first, the bride and groom put their fate in the hands of relationship experts and hope for the best. In the second, one party meets the other abroad,
brings them back to the USA on a K1 visa. They then have 90 days to seal the deal,
or the non-American goes home.
While we’re on the subject of arranged marriages, how many
royals do you know that actually married for love? In most cases they married
family members (3rd or 4th cousins removed), or the match
was made with another foreign royal considered in their league. Like begets
like and money often marries money.
But it’s June, folks, and weddings are the flavor of the month. It can be a campy backyard ceremony, or a fancy country club soiree. It might be a quick courthouse nuptial, or the destination of the bride’s choice. Is it held on land, air or sea?
Whatever the venue, there’s
something about a June bride that makes us hopeful that love will blossom.
Except for this Russian couple (pic taken by me.)
Do you think this marriage was arranged, or is he just more comfortable
with his cell phone? Will the groom put it
down long enough to help his bride into the car?
Still shaking my head as to the wonder of it all.
About Marcia King-Gamble
Romance writer,
Marcia King-Gamble originally hails from a sunny Caribbean Island where the sky
and ocean are the same mesmerizing shade of blue. This former travel industry
executive has spent most of life in the United States. A National Bestselling
author, Marcia has penned over 34 books and 8 novellas. She has contributed to
Michael Fiore’s DigitalRomanceInc and served as a moderator on the now defunct
eHarmony advice boards. Having witnessed
the bad, the ugly, and the not so good in relationships, she still prefers to
write about happily ever after. Caring for her animal family keeps her grounded
and sane.
Visit Marcia at
www.lovemarcia.com or “friend” her on Facebook: http://bit.ly/1MlnrIS
Be sure to join
her newsletter mailing list.
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Thoughtful article. I like the arranged marriage trope when writing romance. Not so sure in my personal life; however, I know my parents were not happy with my choice of husband. But I have two beautiful children!
ReplyDeleteI think I would be resentful of anyone who chose for me, but since the divorce rate is low in this group something must be working.
DeleteSometimes I understand why people choose an arranged marriage. I think the process might actually give the needed respect to the importance of the decision being made. But, I think it's hard for a parent to completely know who their child really is. This was very interesting. I've often wondered how arranged marriages match up, and it seems they do well.
ReplyDeleteI've been watching Married at First Sight USA & Australia. It's interesting that the psychologist, relationship specialist, and even pastor, will put two people together based on needs and qualities. For me, I'm visual so even if we get along like a house on fire I need that extra Zing.
DeleteI personally have never met anyone with an arranged marriage though I understand they still happen. It's not something I'd ever want for myself.
ReplyDeleteStill happens frequently in India. I guess when you take the emotion out of it you have a better chance of growing together.
DeleteI had a co-worker from Morocco, and he went to Morocco to get married to the woman his parents' picked. He seemed very happy.
DeleteJan, often the families know each other so the matches aren't complete strangers.
DeleteI have a friend who is in an arranged marriage, and now in their b60's with children and grandchildren, they are one of the happiest couples I know.
ReplyDeleteMuat be something to it then. Shared beliefs? Compatibility? Similar backgrounds?
DeleteFascinating post, Marcia. There's a cultural aspect to arranged marriages. For most of us in North America and western Europe, we come from generations where marriage was all about the love relationship. That makes us predisposed to wanting the right to choose.
ReplyDeleteVery true, Joan, though from my research, the modern day arranged marriage gives the parties the right to say "no" to the chosen one, if need be.
DeleteThis is so interesting. I don't know anyone who's been in an arranged marriage, either, and I don't like the idea of it. I do, however, believe there are other reasons for marrying than being in love or finding your soulmate.
ReplyDeleteI've seen my share of business relationships Liz, especially as I get older. He'd at least need to be easy on the eye and self sufficient.
ReplyDeleteIn high school a girl had been promised before birth to the father’s best friend’s unborn son. So…2 buddies said, my kid will marry yours. One man stayed in Sicily…the other came to Canada. Their children were forced into marriage. She was falling apart in fear…story was the principal went to the family to ask for a reprieve…she was smart and wanted more education. The answer? She won’t need more schooling…she’ll be married and have a houseful of kids. Now…do you think they’d be allowed a divorce if they wanted? not a chance… I grew up in an interesting neighbourhood. Lots of cultures!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing that story. It does happen. I spent some time in India and I can tell you trying to get out of that sutuation isn't easy. lots of stories of exploding stoves the wives being the casualties.
ReplyDeleteI wonder about those divorce rates. Since couples choose this traditional route, entering an arranged marriage, it stands to reason that they would be traditional in their beliefs about divorce, too, and divorce is taboo. The fact that a couple isn't divorced doesn't mean they're happy. I'm so glad to hear that there are cases, though, where this works out. I'm very glad to have a say in the direction of my life. Thanks for sharing this thought-provoking post!
ReplyDeleteMJ I believe you are right and one article I read said that. Personally, I think the divorce stats are low as many stay in unhappy relationships for appearance, perceived status, and the popular excuse "I'm staying for the kids." Stats are probably slanted on both sides.
DeleteThere was a man from Pakistan who owned the gas station near where we used to live, and we became friendly with him after a while. He used to bemoan the fact that he had to find husbands for his four daughters. He did say they didn't have to marry someone they didn't like. I went home to tell my daughter about this but for some odd reason she didn't think it was a good idea!
ReplyDeleteLol Hannah. I get your daughter. It's tough enough finding compatibility when you're attracted to someone. So much more goes into finding the companion of your dreams. Then again maybe we need a little help.
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